Im at strip club and am horny
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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