So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
