i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
