At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
