i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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