Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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