4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
