i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
