Don't you send me to vm
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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