Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
