i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
