He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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