What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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