I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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