He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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