so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
