pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
