I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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