even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
