Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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