:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
