So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They are going to name an STD after you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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