i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
