Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
