was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
