How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
