the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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