There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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