Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
