it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
