There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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