Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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