Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
