Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
