the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
