so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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