dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
