it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
