I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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