Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
