I didn't shave. On purpose
i already hear my dad disowning me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
