just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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