since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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