We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
