note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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