just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize