I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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