Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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