I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
