Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
