I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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