So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize