Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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