Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
