Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
