I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
