Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize