You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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