yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize