We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize