There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im six kinds of drunk right now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize