What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
