Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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