I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
