I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
