she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
