I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
