If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
