"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
