doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
