This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
