Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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