can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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