I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
