If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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